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postheadericon Battlefield Always OFFLINE Requirement Stuns Player Base!

The rumour mill has it that the latest release of Battlefield, the much anticipated Battlefield 4, will have an always off-line requirement.

The software director at “Electragic Arse” stated:

“We understand that our traditional user base has been used to Battlefield being an online game. However, we are looking to leverage the power of peoples PCs.

The average home PC is a “multiple of computing power” greater than the tiny fraction of our limited and continually shifting server base that we could dedicate to an individual gameplay. ** (see below)

Much more powerful for instance than Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3. It makes great sense to leverage this power to get the most for people’s gameplay experience”

An Idiot Destroying A Beloved Games Franchise Pictured YesterdayIt is understood that, when the game starts it will do a check to make sure that the user has no Internet connectivity. Using special propriety technology the software will see if there are any WiFi signals in the area, and the game will not be able to start until all of these are closed down.

“We need to keep gameplay integrity. Online players will often look to cheat, or do not play the game in a way which users would like to see it played. In a real battlefield you will very rarely see people spinning around or bunny hopping all over the place.

However in previous Battlefield games the practices of lobbing grenades over walls, bunny hopping, spawn point ganking and other spoiler tactics were common. It seemed a logical thing to do would be to remove the online element of the game giving individual players just the experience that they wanted.”

There is already been a huge backlash to this decision by “Unelected Farts” by the traditional Battlefield community.

Steve Madeupname, a hacker from New York has already posted a video which shows how easily Battlefield 4 could be run with an ethernet cable plugged into a computer.

“I was playing an early Beta version of Battlefield 4, and I thought, ‘let’s just try plugging my ethernet cable in’.

I did, and got a full 45 minutes playing before the software discovered this and kicked me out. It seems clear that the always off-line requirements is only there to prevent people from getting together in large groups and using “Felchertronic Tarts” own servers to bitch about what damn awful company they are on in-game chat.”

The press drone countered with

“Thousands of people already told me (in a dream) that they love this new idea. I don’t have their names and addresses or anything, in fact it might have just been trapped wind all along. Still,  you can’t prove otherwise. but I’m sticking to “thousands” because I’m sure that’s the case.”

She continued;

“I’m very rarely wrong about these things. In fact, if I stick my fingers in my ears close my eyes and shout really loud till everyone else has shut up or run away in tears… I’ve discovered that I’m never wrong about anything… ever ”

The press secretary at “Bellendfrottering Tarts” has since been quoted as saying that, while it could be possible for Battlefield for to run with Internet connectivity, it had never been part of their “vision” for this new iteration of the top-selling first person shooter game.

“We want our FPS to stand out form the other 22,634 FPS’s due out…in April 2013 and taking out many of the features people loved will really make it stand out from the crowd”


** It stands to reason that even without global internet lag (meaning each calculation might have to travel thousands of miles from PC to server and back making the very idea of server based gameplay for complex operations from hundreds of thousands of people at the same time… a complete joke) We would effectively have to provide a super computers worth of resources here at our server centre for every online player. 

If the resources we were offering PER PLAYER weren’t greater than their home PC’s – what would be the point in doing it at all?

We’d effectively need to be buying a super computer dedicated to every player that might be online at once out of the goodness of our heart.

Not messing with a well established idea against the fan bases wishes does not fit in with our “Buy an IP, destroy and simplify the gameplay, milk it till even the die hard fans are fed up, then ditch it” philosophy.

Roll Of Honor! RIP

Westood Studios? Bullfrog (sob)? Origin Games (no more Ultima)? Maxis, Bioware, Mythic Games? See ya DICE studios So long Criterion Games.

Yup – here at Craptastic Moneygrabbers (doesn’t rhyme any more but who the frick cares) with us it’s all about the cash and f%^k the loyal customers

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